


Cracked Reflections

by lanri



Series: Glass [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse, Angst, Gen, Hurt Castiel, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, POV Castiel, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-17 23:23:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5889151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lanri/pseuds/lanri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Glass 'verse, follow-up to Bare Feet on Shards. The ragtag team wanders some more in the post-apocalyptic USA. Cas struggles to deal with the Winchesters and life and makes some bad decisions, and some good ones.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cracked Reflections

Their journey east had finally reached an end. Cas levered himself out of their most recently acquired vehicle, stretching and cursing under his breath. Quickly, he hunched in on himself, zipping up his jacket. The cold wind from the ocean had caught him by surprise.

“Shouldn’t it be warmer by now?” he grumbled.

Dean snorted. “Not at this time of year. New England won’t warm up until early summer.”

Castiel frowned as he saw Sam awkwardly pull himself from the car. The giant oaf didn’t even have his coat on as he limped towards the shore.

“Idiot,” he said under his breath. He went back to the car, sifting through their meager supplies until he found a thick woolen blanket. Sam flinched when he dropped it over his shoulders. “You’ll catch your death of a cold,” he said pointedly.

Sam’s awkward shrug and apologetic eye was enough to pacity Cas. He sighed, shoving his numb hands into the pocket of his coat.

“I’d forgotten how big the ocean is,” Dean muttered. “Freaks me out.”

Sam didn’t seem freaked out. For the first time since they’d found him outside the camp all those months back, he seemed to be relaxed, tilted towards the water.

“That lighthouse looks pretty intact,” Dean said. Cas tore his gaze away from Sam to observe the older Winchester packing their gear onto his back. “If you two princesses would care to help—“

Sam jerked, turning. He clicked his fingers twice, and Lucy instantly trotted up, a rabbit held in her jaws. Sam took it carefully, petting her.

“At least someone is pulling their weight,” Dean laughed. Cas smiled until he noticed how Sam flinched at Dean’s comment.

“Sam?” he tried, but got no response. With a sigh, he grabbed a duffel and followed. “Cause of course the Winchesters won’t realize anything’s wrong until it’s too late,” he muttered angrily to himself. “Nah, let’s just be stubborn boneheads who don’t talk, that makes more sense.”

“Cas, did you get your hands on some drugs again?” Dean asked suspiciously.

Cas met his gaze with a bland look. “I wish.”

Sam awkwardly dropped to his knee on his good leg, the other sticking out awkwardly as he worked at the lock.

“Sam, one of us could’ve done that,” Cas said.

He was ignored, again. It was getting old.

The thick wooden door swung inward with a loud shriek of rusted metal. Lucy darted in before Sam, sniffing around noisily.

“Drafty,” Dean muttered, entering the room. “At least the ceiling’s intact.”

Castiel dumped the bag on the floor, moving over to the fireplace. There was a nice stack of wood next to it, and he grinned appreciatively. “Score one for the team,” he said. He was a long way from fumbling with matches and other human contraptions, and he easily started up a good fire.

“Lucy, girl, you wanna go hunt us up some more rabbit?” Dean prodded the dog out the door.

“It’s gonna get dark soon, don’t let her be out there too long,” Castiel said.

Sam followed the dog outside. Cas rolled his eyes. If the idiot wanted to catch pneumonia, he’d catch pneumonia. Nothing Cas would do would change that.

“C’mon, Cas.” Dean’s once-harsh and unrelenting tone had eased somewhat after Sam’s return. At any rate he wasn’t bawling Cas out for his unwillingness to skin a rabbit. “You gotta learn, you know.”

Castiel grimaced, poking at the limp creature. “It’s gross,” he said petulantly.

“Welcome to humanity.” Dean passed over the knife with a smirk.

* * *

Dean sent Cas out into the cold to fetch Sam and his dog. Cas obeyed wearily, shuddering as he stepped out into the chilly air.

“Sam!” he called.

Sam was standing on the edge of an outcropping of rocks. If he took a step forward—Cas hated the swooping in his gut and cleared his throat to shout again. “Sam!”

Finally, Sam turned. He hobbled back towards Castiel, Lucy with him.

“You’re going to die of cold,” Cas said grumpily. “Get inside.”

Dean cursed at them for letting in the cold air. Cas curled his lip, ready to make some biting reply about being the one sent out there anyway, but then he saw Sam’s blue fingers.

“Do you have frostbite?” he demanded.

Sam shook his head, tucking his hands under his armpits.

Cas herded Sam and Lucy to the mattress in front of the fire. Dean glanced up from checking the weapons.

“You guys okay?” he checked.

“We’re fine,” Cas said. “Where does it hurt?” he murmured, softly, so Dean couldn’t hear.

Sam’s eye flicked over to Dean before he focused on Cas and pointed to his hip. Cas narrowed his eyes, thinking.

“Hey Dean, you wanna snuggle with us?” he said loudly.

Dean snorted. “You two have a nice sleepover,” he said.

Castiel sat close to Sam, wrapping the blanket around both of them. “Lean your weight on me,” he instructed. He surreptitiously began working at Sam’s bad hip, pressing lightly at first into the twisted muscle before digging in deeper. Before long, his fingers were cramped and Sam was sweating and gasping from pain.

Lucy whined a little, licking Sam’s hand.

“Good?” Cas checked.

Sam nodded, making the gesture for “thanks.”

“You need anything else?”

Sam shook his head, signed, “sleep.” Cas extricated himself from the blanket to let Sam curl up on the ratty mattress.

* * *

Castiel woke up violently, wrinkling his nose at the cold. A cold wet tongue lapping at his face told him why he’d woken up. He cursed at the dog, shoving her away.

“What, Lucy?” he growled.

Lucy whined, tail tucked between her legs. Cas looked around—Sam was gone.

“Dean,” he hissed. “Wake up.”

Dean grunted, gaze immediately missing his brother. “Where’s Sam?”

“Lucy, find Sam,” Cas prompted.

Lucy darted over to the small door at the corner of the room, scratching at it. Cas was too slow; Dean beat him, pounding up the spiral metal staircase, calling out Sam’s name.

Cas was puffing for air as he reached the top. The sight that met his eyes made his heart—already pounding from exertion—skip a beat.

“Sam,” he whispered. The lighthouse windows were shattered and broken. Sam stood on the edge, the old rusty railing curled away from the side. Cas could see how his toes were sticking out beyond, over the open air, the rocks, the water.

“Sammy,” Dean said. “Take a step back.”

The man didn’t seem to hear him, eyes distant and withdrawn.

“Sam,” Dean said. Louder. “Look at me.”

Sam turned a little, the motion putting more of him out over the emptiness. A sound close to a whimper escaped Cas’ throat.

“Walk towards me,” Dean commanded.

There was so much pain and sorrow in Sam’s face it took Cas’ breath away. He shook his head, edging a tiny bit closer to the edge.

“Sam,” Castiel spoke up. “Please, don’t leave us alone.”

The expression on Sam’s face was one of doubt.

“Sam, you jump and I’m following,” Dean said strongly.

Resigned, Sam stepped back; Dean was on him in an instant, a bear hug that was obviously painful from the way he squirmed.

“What were you thinking, you selfish little—“

“Dean,” Cas said shakily. “Let’s go downstairs.”

Dean snarled something inarticulate, shoving Sam down in front of him. Cas followed uncertainly, Lucy on his heels. By the time he made his way down, Dean was shouting at Sam about being selfish. Cas winced, crouching down next to the embers of the fire.

“What were you thinking? After how far we come, what, you decided enough’s enough, you were gonna leave us in the lurch?”

Sam ignored the paper and pen Dean had shoved at him, ducking his head.

“Answer, Sam! What, you were coward enough to say ‘yes’ in Detroit, so you wanted to continue the trend here?”

“Dean!” Cas snapped.

Sam sucked in a breath, stumbling away from Dean. Dean passed a hand over his face. “Sam, I didn’t—“

“Take a walk, Dean,” Castiel said quietly. He waited for Dean to make his way outside before he approached Sam. “Sam. He didn’t mean it, he was just scared,” he soothed.

Sam shook his head, writing out, “my fault.”

Cas covered up his writing hand, forcing Sam to look at him. “No, Sam. I want you to tell me the truth. Why did you go up there?”

“I am useless, burden,” he wrote. He underlined burden three times.

“No, you aren’t. After everything that’s happened, if you still think that you’re just a dummy.”

He got a quirk of Sam’s lips for his trouble. Cas gripped his shoulder reassuringly. “I’ll go talk to Dean.”

* * *

Cas had determined a while ago that his main purpose in life seemed to be acting as a go-between for the Winchesters. Before the apocalypse started, it had been the opposite, a goal of tearing them apart. In many ways, Cas still felt like he was making up for that, even if he hadn’t quite gotten around to apologizing to Sam yet.

“Did Sam give an explanation?”

“An incomplete one.” Castiel wrapped his arms around himself, staring out at the cold dawn rising over the sea. “He feels he is a burden, I believe he feels hopeless.”

Dean slashed his hand through the air. “I thought we were past this,” he growled.

“After what Sam went through, can you blame him?” Cas asked quietly.

Dean huffed. “Of course not. That’s what makes this so difficult.”

The door creaked as Sam emerged. He made the sign for sorry three times in a row.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Dean groused. “I forgive you, dummy.”

Sam smiled, scar tissue folding awkwardly on his face so it looked like more of a grimace than anything. Cas had learned to use Sam’s eye to read his real emotions.

“What’s the plan?” he asked.

Dean made a face. “Let’s look around the area, see if we can’t pull some supplies together. Then we’ll decide.”

Cas nodded.

“Sam, stay here,” Dean called as he walked away, towards some of the old cabins along the water. He gestured for Cas to go the other direction.

Castiel hesitated, looking over at Sam. “You good?”

Sam waved him off.

* * *

“We shouldn’t’ve left him alone,” Dean spat. The lighthouse was empty, Sam missing again.

Cas gestured helplessly. “We can’t always watch him.”

Dean snarled. “You go left, I’ll go right.”

Castiel jogged away, calling out Sam’s name. The waves crashed against the rocky shore, drowning out his voice, keeping him from finding Sam.

Three short blasts from the whistle sank into Cas’ bones, easing his run. Sam was fine. Three meant safe.

Dean sprinted past him. Cas grimaced; so soon after Sam’s semi-suicide attempt, he would freak out. He followed Dean into the broken down structure.

“What the—“ he breathed.

Dean’s answer seemed to have disappeared at the sight that met their eyes. Graffiti coated the entire wall—detailed instructions on a camp located in Virginia, an invitation to reestablish civilization. It promised protection against croats.

Dean whistled through his teeth. Castiel had yet to figure out how to do that. “Wow, Sammy. How’d you wander in here?”

Sam pointed to Lucy, chowing down on a rat.

“What do you think, Cas?” Dean muttered.

Cas lifted and dropped his shoulder. “Here or there, does it matter?”

“Ray of sunshine,” Dean said witheringly.

Castiel suddenly caught sight of the intense stare Sam had directed at Dean. Cas hated guilt. It was a human emotion that made his stomach curdle. At the very least, he could give Sam a voice.

“Sam, do you want to go?”

Dean glanced at Cas, surprised. Sam also looked like he’d been caught off guard with Cas’ question.

As both Dean and Cas waited for his answer, Sam ducked his head, making a vague gesture.

“I think we should go,” Dean said firmly.

Cas grit his teeth. “Don’t you think Sam should get a say?”

The elder Winchester looked impatient. “Kid’s already said he doesn’t have any feelings on the matter. You wanna mess around here for a while or move on before the croats wake up?”

“Fine, fine.” Cas followed Dean outside. “But you could tell that man to throw himself off of a cliff for you and he’d do it.”

Dean whirled on Cas, slamming him into the side of the cabin. “Don’t you think I know that,” he snarled. “If I stop, if I don’t keep going, then how can I bear—“ he bit his lip, turning away slightly.

The door creaked open, Sam limping out. His wide eye took in both of them. Cas waited for him to freak or leave, or something, but Sam approached, slowly, and tugged lightly on Dean’s jacket. Dean cursed under his breath, but swung Sam into his embrace. Cas felt an ugly surge of jealousy and turned away, whistling for Lucy. He would always be the odd man out, and there was no getting away from that fact.

* * *

“Yo, Cas, guess what I found.”

Cas’ eyes zeroed in on the dangling bag of marijuana in Dean’s hand. He sprang to his feet, but somehow Sam was faster, snatching it out of Dean’s hand with a scowl.

“Give it to me,” Cas growled.

Sam shook his head, clenching the weed in his fist and holding it away from Cas.

“Give it to me or I swear I’ll shoot you,” Castiel promised.

Dean stiffened at the threat to Sam. “Hey now.”

“I need that,” Cas hissed.

Sam gestured ‘no,’ and Cas snapped. He could vaguely hear Dean shouting as he lunged at Sam, but his entire being was honed in on getting the drugs from Sam. The two of them toppled over, managing to go over the lip of the slope they’d been climbing and roll down and down.

The bag of weed dangled from Sam’s bloody fingers. Cas snatched it up, holding it close before he stared down at Sam. His face was etched in pain, bruised and bloody from their tumble. Guilt clawed its way up Cas’ throat. He hadn’t meant. He . . .

Cas was picked up by the collar of his jacket and thrown backwards, away from Sam. Dean’s entire being was alive with fury.

“Give me one good reason not to pump your brains full of lead for what you just pulled,” he snarled.

“Waste of bullets,” Cas said before he thought about it.

Dean made a strangled noise of rage; his hand came up to tighten around Cas’ neck.

Sam whistled.

Both of them turned to view Sam, Sam who was awkwardly dragging himself in their direction, white from pain.

“Sam,” Dean muttered, immediately dropping Cas in favor of helping his little brother. Cas remained where he had been left, unwilling to tempt Dean’s wrath any further.

Sam made one of his humming sounds, pulling out his notebook from his pocket. Cas tasted bile at the way Sam’s hand was shaking from pain. That was on him.

Whatever Sam managed to scratch out, it made Dean curse under his breath and mutter something quietly to Sam. Sam shook his head emphatically, pointing at himself.

Dean collected Sam in his arms. The two of them stood, Sam making gasps of pain.

“You ever do anything like that again and I will kill you,” Dean said quietly to Cas. The two of them began to walk up the hill again.

Cas slowly walked over to Sam’s fallen notebook and picked it up.

“Addiction,” it said in large shaky letters. “Disease. Not Cas fault. I know. Demon blood.”

Cas’s stomach turned. He bent over, heaving out his stomach contents on the old concrete. With trembling hands, he pulled out the coveted bag of marijuana and dropped it in the middle of his sick.

Sam accepted his apology with a sincere smile that Cas didn’t deserve. Dean’s cold silence somehow made more sense.

* * *

The further south they got, the more uptight Dean became. Cas was pretty close to taking the safety off of his gun and shooting him in the head.

“Cas, quiet down,” he growled.

Castiel bit back the nasty retort, fingering his gun thoughtfully.

Sam had managed to get a little ahead of them, leaning on his cane. They hadn’t come across a car in miles, and Cas’ feet hurt.

“You know, we could just settled down somewhere around here,” he said sourly.

“I’m pretty sure we’re gonna need warmer weather to manage a decent crop of food,” Dean responded. “Maryland isn’t great for that, as far as I know. Plus, way too urban for the likes of us.”

“There are probably people here, too.” Cas glanced speculatively over at a relatively intact skyscraper. “We could go looking.”

Dean’s sigh was more than a little frustrated. “The instructions were laid out in a way that makes me think this’ll be our best bet. Now stop your bellyaching and c’mon, Cas.”

Castiel scowled as Dean jogged ahead to catch up with Sam. “Yeah, do what you’re told, Cas,” he said under his breath. “It’s not like you’ve ever done anything else in your existence. Oh, not until you ended up losing your wings for that sonuva—“

Lucy barked. Cas looked up and for a moment, gaped. Most urban areas were at least halfway overgrown, and whatever city they were in was no exception. Cas hadn’t taken into account the wildlife that might result from the natural changes.

The family of bears they’d managed to stumble upon didn’t seem amused to see them.

“Sam, get back!” Dean shoved Sam behind him, aiming his gun at the bears.

Lucy apparently had ideas of defending them and rushed forward. This had the double effect of keeping Dean from shooting and Sam lurching past his brother towards his dog.

“Sam!” Cas yelled.

Sam got close enough that one of the bears lashed out at him. Lucy snarled, darting in front of him to keep the bear from touching him. Unfortunately she wasn’t able to counter the other bear. The creature roared, raking a heavy paw across and tossing Sam to the side like he was no more than a child.

Before he knew what he was doing, Cas was running forward, shooting at the bear wildly. His .22 bullets only enraged the bear more. It swung around, snapping and getting Cas’ arm in its jaws. He screamed, feeling his flimsy human bones break.

He was tossed away. Cas slammed into the ground, head snapping back, and he knew no more.

* * *

“Easy, buddy. Wake up.”

Cas groaned. A throb of pain went through his forearm, up into his brain. He cried, sounding like a child as he scrabbled helplessly for his arm. Strong hands kept him from moving.

“I’m splinting your arm,” Dean said. “You have to hold still.”

Castiel cried out again as his arm was manipulated. Another set of hands brushed against his face, touching the corner of his eyes. Cas obeyed the silent prompting, opening his eyes. Sam stared down at him, hair nearly hanging in Cas’ face.

“Sam,” Cas slurred. “Wha—“

Sam pressed a pill against Cas’ lip. He swallowed it willingly, hoping for oblivion, but all the drugs managed to do was dull the pain a little. He groaned as Dean moved his arm again.

“Stop,” he moaned. He cursed as Dean continued to care for his arm.

Sam tapped Cas’ forehead, distracting him.

“Didn’t the bear get you?” Cas asked woozily.

Sam drew up one side of his shirt, showing off three stitched claw marks.

“Dean’s been busy,” Cas muttered.

“Only because I’m traveling with two idiots,” Dean said witheringly.

Sam traced out an ‘o’ and a ‘k’ on Cas’ good arm. He tried to nod and smile for Sam, but pain throbbed through his body, turning his smile into a grimace.

Sam pressed his forehead against Castiel’s, like he was trying to absorb his pain. Somehow the point of connection helped.

“Alright, Cas, you’re all set.” Dean looked over his arm ruefully. “Not much else we can do except for hope for the best.”

“My first broken bone. Joy,” Cas said drily.

“Hurt?” Sam traced out on his skin.

“I’m okay.”

Dean cleared his throat. “You did good, Cas.”

“Your enthusiasm astounds me,” he muttered.

Sam suddenly wrapped Cas in an embrace that made him feel suspiciously warm and fond. Castiel sucked in a breath before relaxing a little.

“As soon as you two babies are done, help me skin this bear,” Dean said.

“Keep hugging me,” Cas instructed Sam. “I don’t want to skin a bear.”

“I heard that,” Dean groused.

Cas smirked into Sam’s shoulder. Maybe this wasn’t so bad.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure how many installments this verse will have, but so far I've had fun writing these. I feel pretty weak on Cas' POV so this one feels mediocre. If anyone has suggestions for mini plots for this 'verse I am open to suggestions! <3


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